Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Telly Tamasha

I've been having withdrawal symptoms. Eight days and no blog. Last night I almost got desperate to find a computer and write, but I controlled the urge. And now that I'm here I have so much to say, I don't know where to start. So let's make this the TV blog. I haven't written my TV column in about three weeks, and it's high time I restarted it.
So here's Telly Tamasha.

> TV is booming. It's going absolutely overboard. Ever since Sahara Manoranjan stole Star's channel name and rechristened itself Sahara One, the industry has been abuzz. Now, deciding to go with the same name, Star One is all set to hit the airwaves on November 1. And I'm waiting to see how the Indian team at Star interprets a Hindi Star World because that's precisely what they've pegged the new channel as. No, not Star World shows dubbed in Hindi but shows in the same vein, for the metro, non saas-bahu watching professionals. You and me. (Since I don't have to 'watch' the K-stuff anymore, I almost hardly ever watch it. Same for Jassi. Totally switched off it.) Besides, there are a host of news shows everywhere; in fact it's becoming difficult to track them. Hello Dollie debuted on Star Plus yesterday as did something on Zee (can't even remember the name). Also, MTV's first soap Kitni Mast Hai Zindagi, made by Balaji also debuted yesterday. Needless to say, I missed all. Was watching Mute Witness, a thriller I picked up from the British Council Library, which was really quite scary. An American crew is filming a movie in Moscow, and a mute make up artist witnesses a real murder. Chiller, as the TV industry would say (chills + thriller).

> TV may finally get movie style ratings. Read this story. After the Anupam Kher fiasco and all the minutes of footage devoted by channels like NDTV to the 'TV needs censorship' debate, this is something India can definitely start, rightaway. The I&B Minsitry needs to formulate a framework (after it agrees to come under the Censor Board in the first place) to rate shows and serials as U, PG (Parental Guidance) etc. Also the rating should stay on the show throughout as the channel logo does, because a lot of times you may miss the beginning and hence the rating. This way, whenever you switch on, you can figure out the rating.

> A columnist with a leading daily wrote in her TV column almost exactly the same stuff I said about Zoom a week or so before her. So I am happy. In short; Zoom is not available in most places yet. And Zoom needs to zoom up its content big time. The fillers are more fun than the shows. And I have no idea why (maybe the Balaji hangover) I almost always end up tuning in to Simone Singh and Sunita Menon's Cosmic Chat without ever wanting to... pardon me Kosmic Chat. Don't ever undermine the K...

1. "You talkin' to me?" - Taxi Driver (1976)
2. "The name's Bond, James Bond" - Dr No (1962)
3. "What's it all about?" - Alfie (1966)
4. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" - Gone with the Wind (1939)
5. "We're gonna need a bigger boat" - Jaws (1975)
6. "No one puts baby in the corner" - Dirty Dancing (1987)
7. "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" - The Italian Job (1969)
8. "May the force be with you" - Star Wars (1977)
9. "Show me the money!" - Jerry Maguire (1996)
10. "Yeah baby, yeah!" - Austin Powers (1997)
Odeon Cinemas

Tied at first spot.
* Kitney Aadmi Thhey - Sholay
* Mere Paas Maa Hai - Deewar
Both Amitabh Bachchan movies but none of the dialogues have been spoken by him.

Other top phrases...
* Main kabhi pheke hue paise nahin leta - Deewar
*Friendship mein no sorry no thank you - Maine Pyar Kiya
*Yeh haath mujhe de de thakur - Sholay
* Rishtey main to hum tumhare baap lagte hain... naam hai Shahenshah - Shahenshah

> Former bosses at Channel 4 are slamming the overdose of reality TV on the show. Economist also carried a story some editions ago on how Simon Cowell (American Idol) and Simon Fuller (the creator of the show) were in a fight. I think this is the right time for Indian channels to pull the brakes on reality TV and think out-of-the-box new stuff because it is really getting irritating and repetitive. On MTV the other day VJ Sophia Choudhary walked into the homes of the Mumbai finalists and woke them up and pulled them out of their quilts in front of the camera as they gasped in awe and contrived shock. Pathetic. I could see Aishwarya Rai and Sushmita Sen covering their mouths way back in 1994, awe, shock and horror writ large on their faces, on winning their respective crowns.
Till next Monday, bye.


Blogger Jabberwock said...

Film catch-phrases - what about “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room” from Dr Strangelove. Or “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” (Apocalypse Now). And isn’t it illegal to make a list like that without including at least three Groucho Marx one-liners from Duck Soup or A Night at the Opera? Samples:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Time wounds all heels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

27 October, 2004  
Blogger writer-in-egg-style said...

Yeah, Barbified shock n awe can be quite a sight. Yeah again, reality TV is kinda losing it (haven’t seen Indian Idol, though). Too many look-alikes, all too stagey stagey. Still, if getting a laugh outta human folly is the idea, nothing beats The Truman Show…

But hey, here’s an idea for a half-crazed reality show. Call it Jump.

1. First, hypnosis time: expose studio subject to ego-boosting myth. Lotsa imagery.
2. Then, dissonance time: expose subject to contradictions. Myth-disturbing imagery.
3. Next, jump-to-conclusion time: show blame options on screen. Ranging from subject’s own lenses, to alien objects (this that and ‘the other’). Audience votes on who/what will get blame.
4. Finally, solution time: show alternate ideas. From the self-educative, to the demolition/military type. Audience votes again.

Maybe we can be less coy and call the show Beyond Relief, after a famously one-eyed book. But then, the show has corrective depth-of-field options for our naïve subjects too, so Magic Deeds would be better.

27 October, 2004  
Blogger writer-in-egg-style said...

... well then, I guess.

20 June, 2005  

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