Thursday, July 21, 2005

Spontaneity... killed?

I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't blog the way I did when I started out. I used to write freely, spontaneously, without re-reading, rewriting, mulling and readers, especially friends, had pointed out that it was this free-wheeling style that made the blog interesting. Except now, something has changed. I have enough thoughts mulling in my head, enough things I want to say, but I just don't. I mull and I mull and I mull and I want to add stuff to it and make it bigger and more comprehensive and conclusive and then write it, and ultimately I never do.
Why?
Because I don't want to sound like a confessor, because I don't want to sound like a raver and ranter (are those even words?) because I don't want to sound like a cute girl rambling.... but then does it matter? The blog I thought was created because of me, of what I wanted to say, not what I sounded like. Why is it that when there is an audience, however small, the way we speak, write, and maybe even think, changes?

9 Comments:

Blogger writer-in-egg-style said...

Well, so long as creativity is alive and kicking.

Creativity is often the result of "divine discontent"... of some tension in trying to reconcile the ordinarily irreconciliable... of some deep dilemma that simply must be resolved even if no human ever has.

21 July, 2005  
Blogger Yours Truly...Conman said...

That's because we're human and we still haven't gotten rid of our inhibitions... we never will. We fear once we do that, and be just our own selves, people won't like us. So, we put on a mask - a mask of pretense - which people want to see, want to hear, want to read. We are loved not for who we are but for what we pretend to be - and we pretend to be loved to such a great extent that eventually, we forget who we really are, and the mask becomes our face...
Welcome to the sad ass world...
Who are you?
I told 'Nikki' (eww what a sad nick) about your blog, because I really like it. I just wish u'd write more often. But anyway, I have no clue who you are...
So yeah... lemme know. Or maybe not... I don't know. Whatever...
About my angst... as to 'Why?'
I have no clue... I don't know everything... I am not God.

21 July, 2005  
Blogger Yours Truly...Conman said...

Oh-My----God....
YOUUUUUUUUU...
Freak show...
Suddenly the "GSB" struck me in the head. It was there all along.
Man...
I went to into your archives and then saw 'Telly Tamasha'...
woho man...
This happens too eh?
Anyway... am kinda shocked too. Never thought this... never...

21 July, 2005  
Blogger Jabberwock said...

"when there is an audience, however small, the way we speak, write, and maybe even think, changes"

Veddy true, sadly or unsadly. But somehow I don't get the impression that you've been overly mulling. Spontaneity is still there, only less frequently.

And Conman, you are kidding, right? You seriously didn't know who this was?

21 July, 2005  
Blogger Yours Truly...Conman said...

uh... I had absolutely no idea Jabber. Not even an inclination.
How should I have known? by the GSB?
maybe, but, no... I coulnd't figure it out.

21 July, 2005  
Anonymous ppm said...

like electrons, the very light that is shed on them to observe their path, gets absorbed and changes their path ...
But us humans, we have a choice.we can put our foot down and say we will not change-- for our audience...it becomes easier as you get older :)

21 July, 2005  
Blogger GSB said...

OK Jabber and Conman, now both of you DO know who I am (Jabber always knew) but hey I like this. If people who know me can't figure it out by the way I write, that's good news. I'd like to keep the anonymity going till as long as I can. Jabber of course is highly popular and known now, with his blog being quoted and links posted all over mainstream media (right Jabber? wink wink).

22 July, 2005  
Blogger GSB said...

Hey ppm: you on the other side of the hemisphere, I do hope you're right, that age can blunt some of those inhibitions... and hey I am soon going to make a trip to the other part of the world (of course I don't have a remotest [another coinage] as to where you are)... but soon my blog shall be transnational!!

22 July, 2005  
Blogger Yours Truly...Conman said...

Have no intentions of 'revealing' who you are writer...
Carry on blogging...
d' Luck.

22 July, 2005  

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